Christmas 2010

I've just got to start off by saying, I hate all my Christmas pictures. I didn't get anything I just love and feel that really show what I enjoyed about Christmas. Didn't get any of our family we hung out with. Some of the pictures are so terrible in quality, I cringe. But I guess it's what I have to work with. Quite frankly, I didn't pull out my camera enough while home at all. I didn't get any pictures of the kids in the snow or having any fun with family. 

Christmas is always tricky for us having two families miles within each other. We want to see both of them and everyone wants us with them as well. So holidays are always way too busy, and we never really feel like we just get to hang out and relax, as going to the next place is always hanging on our mind. We never want to hurt feelings, or not spend unequal time with others, but sometimes that's just how it ends up being. We always generally spend more time where we're staying, as it's most convenient I guess, but then we have guilt not being with our other family as well. We are so grateful that we get to be with both families for holidays, but it also takes away from good quality time spent with just one side at a time. We weren't actually going to go home for Christmas, until I found out I was pregnant and ALL my stuff was back in Moses. So I wanted to go home and get the stuff I needed for pregnancy and the few essentials of a newborn. When I miscarried, we had already had the plans to go home anyways, and I really did need the distraction anyway, but we kinda wished we could've just stayed home together.

We spent Christmas morning at my mom's and Brianne's family was there as well. It's fun for the kids to all be together on Christmas morning. The kids alway end up with way too many gifts, even though we don't get them much, but they love it. 

 Winston is super excited about his "Cars" notebook that he got in his stocking! Love his expression.

 Quinn and his R2D2 stocking stuffer.

 Macy getting a Christmas snuggle from Pop!

 Matthew with his bacon jelly beans from his stocking. I think Winston is "enjoying" the smell of them! They smelt sooo strong and smoky bacon smell. I had no desire to even try them. Notice Matt's penguin jammies. Pop has this penguin joke thing about Matt, and so when Mom saw these, she just thought Matt needed him.

 Matt wondering what the heck he's going to want bacon lip balm for. Mom and I thought these were just hilarious, and had to get them for Matt and Pop! I love my hottie husband!

 Winston got a iXL from Santa. He calls it his DS, as the boys have a DS and he always wants his own. Since I didn't photo document the big boys Santa gifts, they got remote control monster trucks.

 Winston and his "Tron" motorcycle. I just love how he's showing it to me.

 This picture is horrible, but I just loved Mack's face and had to post it. They were pretty excited to get the Toy Story 3 DS games from GraMimi and Poppy!

 Quinn has been wanting Batman Lego for his DS since he got his DS, so he was super happy to finally have it!

 Landon, my little bro, opening his emergency underwear stocking stuffer. Also something me and mom just couldn't stop laughing about. We thought they were a rather hilarious gift for him.

 Landon also thoroughly enjoying his head massager from mom. I think these things really do feel like heaven, and as you can see, Landon agrees! You're a nerd Lando, though I love you sometimes!

Next, after some breakfast, getting a little fixed up, and seeing Leisha's family when they came, we headed over to the Hardy household for MORE presents and Christmas dinner. Yet, I only got 4 pictures worth sharing from there!

 Quinn with his new fleece pullover from Grandma and Grandpa Hardy.

 Winston is just really enjoying ripping into these gifts. I just loved this pictures of chaos from him.

 He's also wearing his new Batman shirt we got him. He loves Batman, or as he says, na na na na da da, so when I saw this shirt, I knew he's die to have it. I also found it in a teeny baby size, so I got one for my new nephew Wyatt as well!

Malcolm opening his pullover like Quinn's. He's looking enthused in this picture. Don't mind his outrageous hair! He was in desperate need of a haircut. Pop rescued me from having to cut all the boys' hair, and took them to see barber Mike while we were there. I miss Pop keeping the boys hair cut for me. I hate doing it myself!

Thank you to all our family for a wonderful Christmas and for spoiling all of us like always. We appreciate all that you do for us and love you all!

It was great to be home with family for a while. It was way too busy while we were there, as Christmastime just has a lot of family stuff going on, and we tried to fit way too much in a short little time. Next time, maybe we'll take it easy and relax more. We didn't plan our time very wisely!

Needing Answers

As most family and close friends know, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease almost two years ago. My doctor told me it was either lupus or sjogren's syndrome, and with either case, I had a mild version. I've had "joint pain" since high school, which I control with ibuprofen and works great for me. I only talked to my doctors about it 2 or 3 times and it was always when I was pregnant or nursing, and I never worried about looking into it further. When I finally had it looked into, under the recommendation of a doctor I saw in walk-in, it was only with the intention of finding answers. I told the rheumatologist I was referred to, I wasn't there for medication, just want to look into my symptoms. In the end after my blood work proved an autoimmune disease, he put me on plaquenil, a medication to treat the disease, vitamin d and iron. I made sure I had to take it, as I really didn't want to be taking anything, who wants to take meds daily. At one point he prescribed prednisone to me, but I only took once, as the side effects of the medication scared me too much. For the first year, I saw my doctor in Spokane every 3 months, and then started every 6 months. He was a great doctor and always really nice and personable.

After having my two miscarriages, my current doctor wanted to look into the reason before getting pregnant again. There's possibilities with lupus that you can get blood clots, and he wanted to see if that was the case. I needed a new rheumatologist anyways, so he refereed me to one here. When I went to the one here, he wanted to know why I was coming to him, I told him about my previous diagnosis and my two recent miscarriages. He wanted to run a whole bunch of tests, and specifically wanted to test me for antiphospholipid antibody syndrome, which can cause blood clotting. I went and had 11 vials of blood drawn and three weeks later went back to him for the results.

He first told me that my test results came back negative for sjogren's syndrome. I thought to myself, that's great, so we have it narrowed down to one. Then he told me it came back negative for the antiphospholipid antibody syndrome and also lupus as well. I was really confused! He told me all my blood work was normal. I was really confused and a little dumbfounded! So if I didn't have anything, why was I treated for it for the last two years. I mean, it would be great and all not to have anything at all, and not to have to take any medications, but it was answers. I asked my new doctor, then why was I having pain all the time, and his response was well some people just have pain and no reason. He also suggested putting me on some pain medications. That was really disturbing to me, why would he put me on pain meds when I don't even have anything he thinks I should be treated for. I told him, I wasn't there for pain medications and I didn't want any, ibuprofen was enough for me! Matt also asked him a question, and he didn't really answer it, which annoyed Matt! He told me to continue to take my medication, as he wanted to retest me in 10 weeks and come back to him in 12 weeks. He didn't want to change anything just yet. He also told me he could take a look at my previous doctors charts if I would like him to. Well duh! I definitely wanted him to look at why I told him I needed to come to him.

I left totally annoyed, frustrated, lost, confused and emotional. I felt stupid, like I had been telling both my current doctors I had something I was only making up in my head. I don't know why it made me emotional, but I just kept tearing up. I was so frustrated. I don't want a disease, I don't want a blood clotting issue that makes me miscarry and I have to take more medication for, I just want answers! I want reasons for why my body does what it does.

I called my rheumatologist in Spokane and talked with his nurse. I told her my current test results and told her I wanted Dr. Mueller's opinion and why I was being told I didn't have the disease now, but I was treated for it the last two years. She later called me back and told me he was treating me for symptoms and test results that pointed to either sjogren's or lupus. He treated me for mild lupus and he was confident in his diagnosis and that I definitely had something going on according to my blood work. He also said that if my symptoms had gone away, that the disease can go in remission, which he told me before, but my symptoms have never subsided. In fact, I've been having a major flare up, needing ibuprofen everyday, sometimes twice a day to combat the pain. I usually only need it a few times a week. The nurse said they would be sending my charts and blood work to my current doctor. It made me feel so much better to hear that Dr. Mueller was confident in his diagnosis.

I also talked with my family doctor, whom I love and appreciate for the great doctor he has been, and I told him what happened with the rheumatologist. He understood my frustration, and my concerns that the doctor was just willing to give me pain meds if I requested them. He told me to stick with him until after I get my next blood work and results. He said that obviously if the rheumatologist wanted me to continue with the medications, he wasn't confident with the results. After that he wanted to send me to a perinatologist to look further into the miscarriages. I told him how it was discouraging to wait another 3 months to look into it further. He told me I'm young, I still have plenty of year of fertility and in the whole scheme of things, 3 months really is not that long. Of course he's right, and it will be fine. I'm an impatient person and just want to get this all figured out. I'd like to know that when I'd like to have another baby, I can!

I just had to vent and get my frustrations out there. I don't mean to complain and make my situation more then it is, or for people to have to read about it. People have it much worse then me. I would just like to have answers, or just to know if I'm crazy, and why would one doctor tell me I have something, and another doctor tell me I don't. What I really care about here, is finding the answers to why I've had two miscarriages, when before I've had three prefect pregnancies!

Since I'm on the selfish subject of me, can I share one last annoying frustration! :) I gained almost 10 pound during my last pregnancy, that only lasted 13 weeks. It was annoying during the pregnancy (when I thought everything was fine) that I was putting on weight so early. Once I miscarried, it didn't just go away. I'm sure it's different when you go full term, have the baby and then nurse and your body takes care of most of the weight gain for you. Between the pregnancy weight, and the holidays, I think I weigh more now then ever, not considering pregnancy or post pregnancy. It's not a good feeling and it's really annoying me!

2010 Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve we had Christmas dinner with my family. I wasn't very good at pulling my camera out at family get togethers at all, so mostly I just get the pictures of the kids and their cuteness. 

My beautiful momma at our dinner. Brianne thought it would be a good idea to let mom take it easy, so us girls tried taking care of dinner as much as possible. Mother still had to be busy in the kitchen the whole time, but she didn't have to do the majority of the cooking. Brianne, Leisha and I all did different parts of it. We kept it simple with ham, funeral potatoes, yams, rolls, jello salad, and I really can't remember what else, as it's been too long since then. Leisha did make pumpkin pies and we had one coconut cream pie left over from Milo's birthday festivity.

My adorable niece Nora Ivy! I could keep her forever. She is so sweet and let me hold her, and actually seemed to like me!

Sweet Winston with his crazy hair before Poppy took him down to "barber Mike" for a haircut. Maybe I should have combed my kids hair for Christmas Eve dinner, but they had been wearing stocking caps while playing in the snow.

Niece Nora again. This was a beautiful picture of her and her beautiful mommy Leisha, but Leish had her eyes closed, so she didn't make the final cut! Haha! Eyes closed in pictures is in the genes. Leish, I had two pictures of this shot and both times they were closed!

Landon and Grayson enjoying a little Christmas pop up book. Isn't it just so cute!

Two cute cousins "sharing" a book.

Santa Claus makes a special stop each year at GraMimi's house. The kids are always so excited to see him. Grayson was apprehensive to sit on his lap, so Santa just high fived him and gave him a gift.

My cute niece Jayni! She's such a cute little girl, just like her momma was. She looks very much like a little Brianne.

Malcolm looks like he's contemplating what he wants for Christmas, or maybe he's trying to decide if he was naughty or nice.

My cute Quinnie! He was the first to hug Santa when he walked in the door.

My nephew Mason looking like he's not quite sure about Santa and a little shy.

Winston would not sit on Santa lap. He was crying when Matt tried. Santa is very understand of these almost 3 year olds and still gives them a gift.

Winston is oh so excited about the treats inside the gift from Santa.

My sweet Nephew Grayson decided to warm up to Santa and gave him a hug.

Santa wanted them to know that he was the real Santa so he lets him tug on the beard. It was so funny, Grayson yank REALLY hard with a fist full! You can see Jayni's hand in there and she's barely pulling a finger full.

Jayni giving Santa another hug before he heads off to deliver toys to the rest of the world. 

After Santa came, we opened our traditional Christmas Eve gift of new jammies. Not sure why I didn't capture this moment, but I neglected to do so, and neglected a family pic in our Christmas jammies. I'm so annoyed with myself. We then headed to spend a little time with Matt's parents before the little tikes went to bed in anticipation of Christmas day.  

Winston turns 3!

I haven't finished our Christmas/vacation posts, but this needs to be done first! 

My sweet baby boy is 3 years old! I can't believe my baby is already that old. Makes me so sad that he's my baby and getting so big and yet I still want to baby him all the time. In fact, the other night, when he hadn't had a nap, he let me rock him to sleep. I'm glad when I get those little moments when he'll let me baby him! 

This little guy adds lots of personality to our family! We love his little silliness and his grumpiness too. He brings a smile to our face a lot, but can be pretty frustrating with his independence. He's a good helper right now, and I love his stage. If he ever gets to be a big brother, watch out, he'll be very jealous! 

He's still not talking, which is hard not comparing him to other kids his age, or younger. Malcolm didn't really talk until after three too, but he would say more "words" then Winston. Winston just has his own language, along with the real words he does say. It can be pretty frustrating for all of us, when we don't know what he's talking about. He understands us very well and will do what we ask of him (well when he wants to do it). I'm not really overly concerned, but just a little worried as he won't repeat words right when we ask him too. It's like he doesn't know how to enunciate his words. I'm just curious what the doctor will think and if there is something we can do to help him progress. We love his little language though. His words are so funny. I thought I would write all that I can think of, as someday he won't talk in his own language anymore. 

Drink/Water- it used to be do ba da, but is now shortened to do ba

Juice- Ju

Food/hungery- nummy

Candy- nanny

Monkey- makes the monkey sound oh ah ah ah

Car/truck/tractor- rolls his lips making a car noise. This is also how he asks me for a toy when taking a bath.

Batman- na na na na dada (think of the Batman song na na na na na na na na Batman, we used to sing that too him, and that's how says batman now)

Snowman- dal dal dal (like the "Once there was a snowman" song tall tall tall

Blanket- ne na

Thank you- day do

Sorry- ary, I don't even know how to write it. 

What he calls himself- my me, which can be confused as mommy

Does call me mommy and Matt daddy

Malcolm/Quinn and Grandpa Hardy- dah dah, very confusing as they are all alike

He does say Poppy and sometimes will say gramimi

That's all I can think of right now. If I think of more, I'll have to add them so I don't forget. 

He was so cute on his birthday and thought he was pretty special every time we told him happy birthday. The boys hid from him in the morning and said "surprise, happy birthday" when they saw him. Then they wanted to measure him to see how big he was now. Quinn told him he was bigger and told me that he was up to his neck now. Haha! When Matt told him happy birthday, Winston said "to you" like he was singing the song. Loved all the excitement all day. Winston was very excited watching me finish up his cake and loved eating the frosting. I kept putting frosting on his finger with my piping bag. He kept saying the cake was "mine" and was sure to let his brothers know. 

We had just a little get together with our family and my friends family. My sweet friend Melissa was sweet and wanted to help us celebrate even though her mom had just gotten into town. The boys kept insisting Winston needed friends to come to the party too. Winston loved being sung to and blowing out the candles, though I missed that picture since I forgot to turn it on! Way to go Shaila!!  

 Trying to hide from me. Matt did the decorating and taped balloons all on his "birthday chair". He was a pretty excited. 

 Just loved how he put his head down on his arms! Such a cute boy, and I love how you can see one of his eyebrow dimples.

 I was originally just going to do a Buzz Lightyear cake, but Matt suggested the cowboy hat when he saw the cookie cutter of it. It was a great suggestion and addition to the cake. So it turned into a Buzz and Woody cake.

 Winston admiring his cake, and really wanting to start partying.

 I had originally gotten a bigger Buzz and Woody. When I pulled them out of the package, I realized they were "dive sticks" and they were very flimsy. Oops, but they'll be great for the pool. So I had to make a quick trip to the store for these little guys while he was napping. They were better for it anyways!

 The birthday boy and brothers. Hard to get a picture of three boys all cooperating. 

 So excited for the present opening. He's opening his Batmobile from his brothers. I loved that he wore his party hat through his whole party. I got them at the dollartree and you could tell. They didn't stay together and I had to tie the string on, and were way too tight around the neck. 

 So excited for his Buzz Lightyear U-Command from Gramimi and Poppy. (Ruthie, Melissa's one year old daughter, in the foreground.) 

 Love this face!

 Happy birthday Winston! Don't mind all the pictures with birthday cake on his face, his mom apparently didn't care! (My cute friend Melissa in the background.)

 Grandma Hardy and Paka let Winston go pick out a trike out for himself. This is what he ended up with, along with his Batman helmet...and bell!

Here he is saying, "day do", thank you, to Grandma and Paka. 

I love this little boy and wouldn't trade him for anything. I look back on the day he was born and can't believe it's been that long. Oh how I wish I could go back and cherish it all over again. We love you little Win!